The Newlywed Files: January 2011

Most of you know that I changed my plane ticket over the holidays so that I could go to Long Island visit my grandmother. She has been ill for quite a few years with Ameloydosis, which is a blood disease. Although she was healthy in heart, mind, and all other vital organs, this disease had slowly taken away her ability to function independently, and she had become more and more dependent on outside help from family and hired caregivers to help her with her activities of daily living. This was extremely saddening to me, as she is a woman on the go...she was president of many organizations in Garden City, and her inability to even get out of the house was slowly taking away her liveliness. Eventually, right after Thanksgiving, she decided that she felt living in an Assisted Living Facility would be her best choice to help her live a quality life for the time she remained with us here on earth. She moved in on December 23, and although my aunt and uncle in NY felt that my need to visit was not URGENT, it would be very uplifting to her if I were to visit sometime soon. I decided in my heart of hearts that I needed to get to her soon, both for her and for myself. My granny is very important to me, and I really cannot imagine a life without her, and I wanted to spend as much time with her as I could, especially since she no longer lived at home. It was very hard to imagine her not living in the home I had been visiting her and my gramp at since I was 13 years old.

So, I decided to change my return flight from Boston after Christmas to take me to New York for a few days. Unfortunately, I had some difficulty with the flight due to the day after Christmas snowstorm that blew threw the northeast, but I made it. It was very difficult to see her in the ALF, even as nice as it was. She was very sad, she was in pain and really felt that her life was already over. We spent a lot of time together just crying and remembering happier times, and my heart really went out to her...she had always feared dying...for years she had always told me that she really hoped to live to be 102. But, at this point in time, she wanted the pain to be gone and she wanted to join her husband and son in heaven. She asked me to pray for her to go peacefully, and as much as I tried to brush her off and remind her how healthy she was otherwise, I could not ignore her request. She deserved to be happy and free of pain again. So, on New Year's Eve, after arriving at the ALF and finding her especially miserable, I left and drove to the cemetery to visit my father's grave. I dug it out from under 18 inches of snow with just my foot, and pleaded her case to him. I told him how much I loved her and how hard it would be for me to let her go, but that when he was ready for her, if he could try to do it peacefully.

Although we were not ready for her to go, she went peacefully in her sleep a mere 5 days later. I felt huge sadness at her loss, but also relief that she did not suffer. Her prayers and my sad request to my father had been answered.

She was buried on January 10, just a year and a few days after my gramp. They will both be forever missed.